Daily Girth In Danger

Jail time could be in one staffer’s future — but who is at fault and what was done?

The Rolomite | Daily Girth

Daily Girth is under investigation for a multitude of allegations, some so severe it could threaten the existence of the website.

Officials haven’t said what charges could come toward DG’s way, but if a staffer is charged then the entire site could be brought down in a RICO (Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act) case — you know, the same bullshit used to cripple the mob in “The Dark Knight.” DG isn’t corrupt (at least by law), however, one never knows what’s in a person’s mind or heart. One day Google or Apple might make an app for that.

A mole might be to blame.

There are no suspects in the DG camp, however, if anybody’s seen “The Departed” you know Leonardo DiCaprio must be the mole so it should be the person everybody suspects. DG will begin the search for the mole immediately.

“Since nothing is official we will keep working to provide the same insightful, funny content that Daily Girth is known for,” Editor in Chief Mike Cervantes said. “Besides, what the hell else are we gonna do?”

The investigation will continue with great haste, however, sources say the following topics are most egregious:

-Splicing dino DNA

-Using too much bandwidth for adult content

-Tearing the tags off of mattresses

-Breaking the universe (a repeat offence)

-Downloading music in large quantities (this goes back to the Napster days)

-Harassing Bruce Wayne to get in the same room with Batman

-Harassing Brett Ratner to apologize for “X-Men: The Last Stand”

-Supporting Lindsay Lohan’s comeback efforts, which we all know will never happen

One thing is for sure: DG staff writer Wildebeast is NOTORIOUS. Keep that in mind.

If any DG staffers are brought to justice, the jail footage will be entered on YouTube in the best video category, unless of course, YouTube is shut down.

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