Qui-Gon Jinn Returns To Kick More Ass

“Taken 2” premieres on Friday. If it’s anything like the first one, we’re in for a hell of a ride.

Photo courtesy of 20th Century Fox


We’ve seen this before: Liam Neeson, despite being 60 years old now, is going to kick some ass. In “Taken,” it was easy to describe the plot. Qui-Gon Jinn destroys bad guys (well, Liam Neeson without his Jedi powers) for 90 minutes, outsmarting, outshooting and outmaneuvering gangsters, a bureaucrat and his wife who serves a delicious dinner, rich dudes trafficking young women, asshole royalty and a petty motherfucker who wants to share a cab.

As unbelievable as this sounds, Neeson is poised to do the same in “Taken 2.” I can’t wait. There’s something intriguing about watching a smart, old dude rough up the opposition. With no Lightsaber nor the Force to back him up, Neeson’s Bryan Mills successfully housed the forces of evil that kidnapped his hot daughter.

The daughter traveled with a hot friend, one who was down to get amorous with that dickhead who offered to share a cab. Fuck those guys with the accents.

The first “Taken” was an action movie not unlike a “Transformers” or “Batman” film. Think about it. How in the hell could a guy in his fifties travel across the world, kick ass without getting injured (fuck, he didn’t even get winded) and find his daughter in a classic needle in a haystack plot. The guy didn’t struggle once. Even Batman got his shit tossed in “The Dark Knight Rises.”

For a covert mission such as his, the U.S. government would send youngsters, elite motherfuckers in their twenties, thirties or forties. They would never ever send someone close to sixty. Yet Qui-Gon did it. And there was just one of him.

And by the way, if you’ve seen the first “Taken,” I call bullshit on enhancing photos so perfectly in that shitty kiosk. Without cutting edge software, there’s no fucking way you’ll get a visible photo after cropping a tiny part of an existing pic. No fucking way.

Anyway, “Taken 2” premieres on Friday. Who knows what other adventures the near elderly Neeson will get into in this sequel. The plot sounds similar to the first; this time it’s Bryan’s ex-wife Lenore who is kidnapped. Lenore is played by the still-fine Famke Janssen. Janssen is getting up there in age, but she’s still got it. She was hot in the “X-Men” series and in a 2000 movie called “Love & Sex.” Good shit, Famke.

Moviegoers should choose to see “Taken 2” this weekend. If not, Qui-Gon Jinn might kick your ass without breaking a sweat.

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