The end of HBO’s ‘Eastbound & Down’ may be near. If this is the finale of the raunchy comedy series, how will it be remembered and how should it conclude?
It’s gonna get nasty.
It has to, we’re talking about “Eastbound & Down,” the HBO comedy that may or may not come to an end this weekend.
And if we’re talking “Eastbound & Down,” how can Kenny Powers be left out? Kenny fucking Powers!
Powers has to be the most vile character to ever star in a TV show. He isn’t crazy (at least clinically), hasn’t murdered anybody (at least we don’t know, don’t put it past him) and isn’t revoltingly ugly or scarred.
Kenny Powers says some crazy-ass things. Here’s a sampling of the shit this man talks:
“I’m the man who has the ball. I’m the man who can throw it faster than fuck. So that is why I am better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my dick … everyone.”
“Can I wear the ‘Scream’ mask? The mask from ‘Scream’ … when I do you from behind.”
“People say Kenny Powers is a woman hater. That’s not true. I love women. Every fucking one of them, even the ugly-as-shit ones. But don’t ask me to trust ’em. Not even nuns, because every pair of tits comes with a gaping hole of need that even Kenny Powers can’t fill.”
“I’ve been blessed with many things in this life: an arm like a damn rocket, a cock like a Burmese python and the mind of a fucking scientist.”
“I left my country to begin a new life, one where I could finally blend with those I was living amongst. Become just another face in the crowd. Soon I was embraced by the natives. The wild landscape became my mistress. The wild women, my come caves. Soon enough I felt like an entirely new person.”
“Remember, there is no ‘I’ in team, but there is a ‘U’ in cunt. So don’t be little jealous cunts, OK?”
“When I look at you, I see a little bit of myself in you. I see a sex addict. I see a coke whore. I see a dude that is accidentally, and unknowingly, going to have sex with a transsexual.”
“Stay in school. Fight the power. And don’t do drugs … Unless of course you’re doing them with me … Never turn down free drugs.”
“I don’t give a fuck about the sensitivity of Orientals. I’m a father now.”
He is a real piece of shit, the kind of human you don’t ever want to know personally, but want to admire from afar. And that’s his appeal, we, the audience, look at this somewhat talented baseball player and empathize.
Powers speaks his mind. Too much.
Normal people have filters. Not Kenny. His mouth is nothing but a bunch of fuck yous, shits, cunts, dicks and other radical forms of profanity.
Do people want to be Kenny Powers?
The answer is probably no.
Do you want to be a washed-up baseball player who relies on drugs to get through his day? How about taking care of a child that brings you down, knowing you have to take care of him while some Russian baseball player steals your thunder?
Sure, it must have been a great ride for Powers, making bank, snorting coke, flipping the bird, hooking up with quantity (and, maybe sometimes quality) trim.
That ride may be at an end.
Is HBO ready to give up on “Eastbound & Down?”
Creators Jody Hill and Danny McBride (who plays Kenny), never envisioned the show past season three. They always approached it as if it were a long movie. Nothing traditional. “Eastbound & Down” is anything but traditional.
The supposed final episode features a twist of fate that will alter Powers’ future with his shitty minor league baseball team. He no longer has his son and baby momma April is out of the picture for now.
I always thought Kenny would end up with his well-endowed love, April. Although Kenny’s love of other women remained strong, it was always April who remained in his heart. Not the college girl. Not the bar slut. Not the sexy singing MILF. Not the random whores.
Somehow, April puts up with Kenny’s bullshit and if he were ready to settle down, she would be down. It seemed that way at the end of season one.
Kenny was riding high. The majors seemed like they were calling. Who can forget this famous quote from Kenny?: “This is seriously the best wave of good shit that has ever happened in my whole life. I knock out Mackworthy’s eye, then I see April’s big-ass tits and have sex to her. It’s like all the horrible, disgusting shit I had to put up with here is finally paying off.”
That was Kenny after getting his pitch back, right after chucking a fastball up and away, busting Reg Mackworthy’s eye out. That wave of good shit didn’t continue.
If this is the end of the road, I hope Kenny settles down. With April, like the dysfunctional family they’d be.
If this is the end, “Eastbound & Down” will be missed.
The wave of ridiculous storylines such as Ashley Schaeffer encouraging his son to stay and watch daddy have sex with mommy, Principal Cutler training for his triathlon while Kenny moves in on fiancée April, Stevie wasting time and money to get into Kenny’s good graces and the endless, cursing, sex and drugs, coming to an end, how can this be?
We won’t see another over-the-top comedy like this, perhaps again. McBride’s character has transcended the actor. He will forever be known as Kenny Powers.
Kenny Powers will be entrenched in pop culture, even if the ride is over after three seasons. A beer swilling, drugged-up, foul-mouth motherfucker like Kenny can never be forgotten.
“Eastbound & Down,” Kenny Powers, you’re fucking out! As comedy fans, hopefully, that’s not the case.